Mind you, this is just my opinion

Today's musings seem to be relevant on a whole slew of levels. Bunch of levels. Spectrum of levels? Range....host...etc. Sorry. Got distracted by the pretty words.

Attorney and I were discussing a case. She made mention of the fact that the mom had never quite gotten past the dad and was now doing her utmost to ensure that the children hated him. Her thought was that if mom was so adamant about being glad she was not with such a loser anymore, then why all the fuss? If you move on, then you move on.

I am of a dual opinion on this. The first is quite obvious. With general relevance, the obsessor is lying. Obviously. You read that statement and say "duh". But really, why "duh"? Moving on is never as easy to do as to espouse. We assume that someone says what they truly feel and that is that. The end. When really it is more like code. I hear "I am over it" and see "I am really sad and hurt and confused and this is the only way I can try to make sense of the situation" How...pathetic. For lack of a better term. And not in a belittling way, at all. It is pitiful when an adult cannot don their pair of metaphorical balls and face that which they fear: fear because they do not want to face pain, fear of rejection, or fear of confirming something they do not want to hear. Also, there is the attention-getting aspect of this, which of course generates countless questions into Obsessor's background and up bringing and assuming at the very least that Obsessor's self-esteem is non-existent. This has the capacity for a few stray tangents, the 2 least obscure being that life is about dealing and that maturity definitely has nothing to do with age. Digression aside, if Obsessor is lying, then this leads to the second of my opinions.

Opinion #2: Obsessor is (also) a vindictive hag who is reaping some serious karma. I can tell you, I would hate to be her when it comes back around. The foray into the tangents can be revisted in this opinion also, because really this all stems from a lack of maturity. At least in part. Some people are honestly too caught up in themselves to expend this much energey on something that will not directly benefit them. So, in choosing the lesser of 2 evils, one could say that I have actually found a situation in which self-centeredness is actually preferable to the alternative.

Second digression aside, who *does* that? Indeed, Obsessor has to be a trifling bitch to want to put *that* much energy into making someone else's life miserable. Get a hobby, seriously; do something productive. Join a gym, start painting, volunteer to walk adodptables at your local Humane Society.

It is a sad thing to see someone who is so unadaptable. Obsession of any sort is never a good thing and ultimately, Obsessor, you're proving to the world that you are indeed, immature and ignorant.

There should be a book about how NOT to fuck up your life and others.

Speaking of! I intend to write a guide... a "How To" of sorts...as to what expect when you go in for a divorce and how not to be a pain in the ass client. Or maybe it will be an anecdotal collection. Either way, stay tuned.

Learning to Cry

Admitting that I want to cry is difficult. Even more difficult is the acceptance of the fact that I will likely do so, no matter how much I try to avoid it.

This is the point in life where I feel alone. Not for lack of friends willing to listen, but for my own personal hang up in not wanting to burden those around me. As adults, we all have legitimate problems. No one needs the added trouble of hearing my bullshit.

The other side of this coin is that I'm tired of being sad. I'm fed up with the stress, the regret, the wish that things could be different and the knowledge that they won't be. Because no matter what has happened in my life, I *know*, with a ringing clarity, that I wouldn't have done 90% of things differently. See, this is part of that list of things I learned in my 20's, right....that when someone tells you they have no regrets in life, they're lying. We all have some regrets, be they big or small.

Digression aside, I would have done one thing differently. One thing. Aside from that, I am willing to live with the consequences of my actions, despite those involved making a bad situation exponentially worse. It's even harder to endure when it feels like there is no one in my corner.

This whole situation has motivated me to 1) move sooner than I would otherwise be doing 2) choose whom I confide in FAR more carefully and 3) reconsider myself and how I deal with people.

I'm rambling, by the way, sorry to have put you through this, but there are things on my chest that need writing and by doing so I'm hoping to expell the feeling of hopelessness and loss. No such luck...

Oh, Mister President....what have you done?

Ok, so this a.m., the new Health Care Reform Bill passed. Can we say no-no?

First off...making health reform mandatory takes away every individual's right to choose for themselves whether they want to provide health care, for themselves. I'm all about live and let live; I'm a libertarian at heart....but when the leader of our country forces us to do something that we either would not have chosen for ourselves or provides it at the expense of tax payers, and then imposes a consequence if this action does not happen, then I have a problem with it. And normally I don't give two shits about politics. Live your life, don't let your decisions impede my happiness or well-being and we're square.

Next we have the issue of whether or not we (as citizens) can afford healthcare. You can? Perfect, here's a plan with a $500 deuctable and a $500 premium...it's only $270 a month. That's half of my rent expense per month. More than half, actually. No thanks. You can't afford that? How about a plan for less than $100 a month? Perfect, your new deductable is $1500 and your new premium is $1000....so either you f*ck me up front or you f*ck me in the end, either way I'm f*cked. Nice....wait, so you can't afford health care at all? No problem, the government will provide it! I'm almost afraid to ask what quality should those on government assistance expect...and pray, tell me how will the government, being what? trillions in defecit, provide health care for it's people? Oh, that's right...there was another tax increase. Which means I get to pay for you to have health care. Fabulous. Because I wasn't paying enough in taxes before. And did the government ASK me first before it took my money and expended it out to everyone else? Newp...not even kinda.

And then there's the how: How exactly are you, Mr. Big Man, going to find out who does and does not have insurance? By expending more money we don't have, creating audits and agencies who review the numbers and names of the millions of American citizens that are now required to have insurance. I see this going from bad to worse, although this may potentially create jobs, I don't see this being a well-oiled machine for years to come, if ever. And I see our deficit getting even bigger in the enactment of this "reform".

Finally, why CAN'T some of these people afford healthcare? BECAUSE IT'S TOO GODDAMN EXPENSIVE TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!!!!! Don't even get me started on the people who won't work and pay for healthcare on their own...Maybe, MAYBE our beloved leader should have reworked the health care *system* instead of doling out health care and calling it reform. Reform, by definition means to re-shape, re-distribute or re-structure. Not "compound an already existing problem and make the repair even more insurmountable." Fix the infrastructure and then it can truly be called reform.

The *only* good thing to this bill would be that health care providers are no longer allowed to deny a person coverage because of existing medical conditions. However! At what expense to the client?

Right intention, wrong way to go about it. I'm actually going to be voting Republican from now on. I don't necessarily agree with all of their standings, but neither do I *really* want to renounce my citizenship and move to Canada.

Life Lesson

People are always telling me that one's 20's are the time when you most change, when you learn a lot about yourself. I know that life itself is one long lesson and you're to learn as much as possible while you can but no one ever really tells you how pertinent these lessons truly are...

I've learned to trust my instint. Not just to trust it, but to actually follow what my intuition tells me to do. Even when my heart doesn't agree. Actively ignoring what I know *should* be done usually ends up poorly.

I've learned that if you don't make yourself a priority in your own life, no else will make you a priority in theirs. You choose how important you are to people. If they make you less of a priority than you deserve, then you have the choice of bowing out of that relationship.

People can agree to disagree and still get along. Usually this works when both people understand this concept. Understanding and accepting that not every opinion will be akin to yours promotes a greater tolerance...even if all you can do is accept that there are things you'll never be able to cahnge.

Live and let live....even when you want to be the change you'd like to see in the world. As long as your actions do not impede the basic human rights of those around you, as long as the decisions you make do not negatively impact those with whome you come into contact, what you do is no one's business. And they have no right to comment or opine on what you do.

I've become comfortable in my own head, even if being comfortable in my own skin is still a work in progress. Listening to the silence opens one's mind. Being alone isn't always a negative thing, either. One must be able to accept their own company if they expect others to do the same.

Sometimes, friendships and families are one and the same. And sometimes you *do* get to pick your family...even if it wasn't the one you were born into.

Friendships are a "for better or worse" relationship...the ones that truly matter, anyway. There is no such thing as a buffet when talking about friends. One cannot simply pick and choose what parts of their friends they accept. It's all or nothing. If the friend is a good fit, the pros will vastly outweigh the cons. If the opposite is true, then one might need to rethink that relationship.

I've learned to pick my battles and that being right all the time isn't going to change just because you're the only one who knows it. There are some arguments that are *just* not worth having. Apologizing and moving on is a better option than losing a friend.

I've been taught that there is indeed a difference between listening and hearing. The conscious acceptance and the indelible memory that will remain from hearing a conversation is often far more difficult than listening, thus not many ppl try to hear others...

There are a great deal more lessons that I have learned, but these are the ones that tend to stay with me, because of how they were taught. It's normal to have a few regrets in life and anyone who tells you they regret nothing is lying...no one gets it right all the time. There are a select few situations in which we get a second chance and maybe the opportunity was afforded to us because Fate didn't like the outcome. If that's true, then I take these lessons with me from this day and live my life as a happy individual, expecting a few regrets, but thankful all the same for the experience.

This just in! Facebook Ruins Marriages!

MSN had an article about "unfriending your spouse" from Facebook. Because it's ruining marriages. By taking all the mystery out of the relationship, creating jealousy between lovers....seriously, I *know* my generation is fucked, but this is beyond the beyonds.

First of all, that these people let these social networking sites create a problem is just retarded. If it's that big a deal, then just delete your account, right? But the real issue here is that we have access to all these sites to update our status, and sign friends' walls and tag their photos. I don't even have a myspace, anymore. When I had one for a minute, I talked to most of the people on it more either through text or on the phone or in person than I did on the site.

These sites can be fun, but when they become a priority, that's scary. What's wrong with people that they are unable to govern themselves and take a step back to look at the big picture to figure out that they aren't spending enough time in reality? Has gluttony extended to *every* aspect of our lives? Have we descended to the point where we can't even monitor our actions?

I suppose there is no "next", because if our society has sunk to the level that we are unable to tear our collectively fat asses away from the computer screen long enough to ensure that our mate is satisfied, happy or taken care of, then there is no hope, is there? That's what I mean by gluttony. If everything in moderation, yet facebook members are unable to moderate, then gluttony of time spent on said site.

Can I have an island to myself, and live without the drawback of stupid people in my life? I don't even want to be associated with my society...I'd hate to be considered common....nevermind that I am posting this blog online.

Rant for a Wednesday Morning

And it should be a good one! I haven't blogged in a while.

First off....asshole drivers. Seriously, your turn signal is there for a reason. Didn't your mother ever tell you darting into traffic is a good way to cause an accident? Don't think that because you drive an SUV you own the road. The next time you cut me off for the turn lane I'm going to huck my full water bottle right through your open window and hope it concusses you so you can't ever drive again. Lay off the bleach, fuckwit, I think it's killing your brain cells. And P.S., if it's 8:05, your kids are already late for school....rushing isn't going to get them there before the last bell rang at 7:45.

Ok, now that that's off my chest, onto more important matters....like the California budget crisis and our "beloved" Governator. I'm kind of confused. Can someone please esplain to me how cutting more jobs in California is going to save money? I was listening to NPR this morning, and there was an update on this issue. Arnold proposed cutting another 2,000 jobs, which would make for the 3rd layoff *this year*. The head of some department being reviewed brought up a point that most of the jobs being cut are currently vacant, but of those that aren't, cutting the jobs would render the department understaffed, which would make it necessary for other employees to work overtime. If overtime pay is time and a half...then how is that department saving money? That just doesn't make sense in my feeble little mind. You know what also doesn't make sense? CUTTING more jobs in an economy that's already suffering! Seriously, if the problem is consumer spending statistics dropping because people are being laid off, therefore seriously limiting their net disposable income....then why would you limit MORE net disposable income, futher hindering consumer spending?

Look, I paid a modicum of attention in Economics. I understand that linear logic has little to do with re-structuring a hurting economy, and everyone knows I don't do numbers, BUT! if, logically, you are looking at trying to stimulate an economy, not by saving money, but by promoting spending, then it just goes in the opposite direction of sense that budget cuts would be applied to jobs wherein limiting the income a family has ultimately prevents them from consumer spending. That logic just flawed.

My proposal is to cut back political spending. Focus on the areas that need the money most and instead of cut jobs, maybe create jobs for that field and start a new kind of PWP. Stop giving bonuses to officials, limit the amount of money they have in their discretionary accounts, or do away with them altogether. If these delegates are *truly* concerned with the budget problem, then, they, as our elected representatives should be doing WHATEVER is in their power to get the ball rolling in the direction of change. I know the governor gets a large salary. I know his officials and representatives probably do too. Why is that ok that their lifestyle doesn't change when millions of families are hurting financially? I know, I know.....I'm dangerously close to touting socialist propoganda, but seriously! Why should they still be allowed to recieve millions per year to oversee this issue, when the solution lies in the very fact that they are likely taking more than is necessary to do their job?

Most people think this kind of change has to start at the bottom, but I disagree. I say we start at the top. Californians need to demand an accounting of just how much money goes through our governor's office every month. As an ellected rep, he should have to answer to us, honestly and account for his spending. Maybe then we could start cutting the excess and start re-allocating the monies in a wiser, more cost efficient way:

1. Cut representative salary
2. Pool all discretionary expenditures back into the deficit
3. Possibly keep taxes where they are until that defecit has lessened
4. Create more jobs in places most needed, like schools (from elementary to colleges), civic programs and organisations that are civically minded - after school or arts and music programs, better healthcare, homeless shelters and soup kitchens.
5. Make welfare regulations far more stringent than they are.
6. Have higher education become more accessible.

These are all things that seem to be overlooked because they are deemed expendable. But they aren't. These areas are completely nessecary. How else would our government expect to survive any more length of time unless we educate the upcoming generation. The sad part is, these kids are the future...these kids who throw fits in stores, hit their parents, have the nerve to call CPS on them, get pregnant at 12, run around doing drugs before they're out of elementary school, don't read because they're so over stimulated by video games, have problems with obesity and childhood diabetes....these kids are who we hand all of our hard work down to. Granted, the parents are the ones who probably need re-education...but the point is we should want to make this next generation better rather than perpetuate the bullshit my current generation is all about.

In conclusion to this, Mr. Governor, if you were REALLY all that concerned about our economic status, than maybe you need to start looking a little closer to home to solve the problem.

And lastly, stupidity. I know...you've heard it before, and no, I STILL haven't found a way to make it painful, but one can hope.

I'm just appalled and flabbergasted at how absolutely asinine people can be. Ever read fmylife.com? You should if you want to feel better about your level of intelligence. Not that I need the reassurance, because if there is one thing I'm arrogant about, it's the level of knowledge I possess. And why shouldn't I? I have worked my ass off to attain it. I digress.

I was reading it this morning. Again, I am simply astounded at the mediocrity of our society. We celebrate drama, encourage the common and mundane. It's almost as if apathy is slowly overtaking the mind, and the focus on being the best, doing your best or even taking any interest in anything becomes a negative. I simply don't understand it. How can this generation be so content to watch reality tv, yet loathe going outside and living their own life? When did indulging in any kind of excess become the norm and people who choose not to partake in this exhorbitance become boring? It's almost like the more dimwitted the collective mind has become, the more stimulants needed to maintain a false high. We are fostering a society of zombies! How sad that a classic novel or a Best Seller will be undersold by a celebrity gossip rag or tabloid. It's unfathomable that more attention is paid to the shell rather than filling it with anything of substance. Again, I digress.

So, this website...is a place for people to post their blunders, silly things that have happened to them during the day, or embarrassing bloopers that cause them shame. WHY anyone would willingly post something like that is beyond me. If I fuck up, I don't want people KNOWING about it, for the love of God! And I really couldn't tell you what I find to be more ridiculous, the fact that people actually *do* these things they post, or the fact that they post them. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I suggest you google to find the site, and read a few. Reading through these blog-lettes will indeed affirm what I have been saying for years: Common sense isn't so common anymore.

Thanks for reading, have a happy Wednesday

The Battle of the Wills!

There are 5 atorneys in my building and including their staff, probably a total of maybe 15 people. The parking lot, while not big, is certainly large enough to accomodate all of us. Nevertheless, there is this *one* spot that is fought over. It is THE spot of all spots. The front row, left corner spot is apparently the Golden Grail of parking spots in our lot. Don't ask me why. I suppose it could make sense to say that because my mom/boss started parking there out of convenience, as she walks around the left side of the building to the back entrance in order to take the inside stairs, rather than the front stairway (which are rather dangerous and narrow...and let's face it, my mom is a klutz), that two other attorneys in our building *had* to have the same spot. Regardless of the fact that the entrace to their offices are only accessible through the front entrance....which means they have no choice but to walk back over to the front of the building. So instead of parking in the middle of the front row, which would make the walk to the front entrance far more convenient, they choose to park all the way over to the left.

We (as an office) are baffled as to why either of the attorneys desire to park here, given that there is absolutely nothing special or great about this spot....other than, of course, the fact that my mom likes parking there because she uses a difference entrance. I know better than to think that the other 2 attorneys aren't petty enough to want something just because another person has it...

Really, who says adults are more mature?