Admitting that I want to cry is difficult. Even more difficult is the acceptance of the fact that I will likely do so, no matter how much I try to avoid it.
This is the point in life where I feel alone. Not for lack of friends willing to listen, but for my own personal hang up in not wanting to burden those around me. As adults, we all have legitimate problems. No one needs the added trouble of hearing my bullshit.
The other side of this coin is that I'm tired of being sad. I'm fed up with the stress, the regret, the wish that things could be different and the knowledge that they won't be. Because no matter what has happened in my life, I *know*, with a ringing clarity, that I wouldn't have done 90% of things differently. See, this is part of that list of things I learned in my 20's, right....that when someone tells you they have no regrets in life, they're lying. We all have some regrets, be they big or small.
Digression aside, I would have done one thing differently. One thing. Aside from that, I am willing to live with the consequences of my actions, despite those involved making a bad situation exponentially worse. It's even harder to endure when it feels like there is no one in my corner.
This whole situation has motivated me to 1) move sooner than I would otherwise be doing 2) choose whom I confide in FAR more carefully and 3) reconsider myself and how I deal with people.
I'm rambling, by the way, sorry to have put you through this, but there are things on my chest that need writing and by doing so I'm hoping to expell the feeling of hopelessness and loss. No such luck...
About Me
- Gianna
- Aspiring artists in most senses of the word. This is just one of many outlets.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Oh, Mister President....what have you done?
Ok, so this a.m., the new Health Care Reform Bill passed. Can we say no-no?
First off...making health reform mandatory takes away every individual's right to choose for themselves whether they want to provide health care, for themselves. I'm all about live and let live; I'm a libertarian at heart....but when the leader of our country forces us to do something that we either would not have chosen for ourselves or provides it at the expense of tax payers, and then imposes a consequence if this action does not happen, then I have a problem with it. And normally I don't give two shits about politics. Live your life, don't let your decisions impede my happiness or well-being and we're square.
Next we have the issue of whether or not we (as citizens) can afford healthcare. You can? Perfect, here's a plan with a $500 deuctable and a $500 premium...it's only $270 a month. That's half of my rent expense per month. More than half, actually. No thanks. You can't afford that? How about a plan for less than $100 a month? Perfect, your new deductable is $1500 and your new premium is $1000....so either you f*ck me up front or you f*ck me in the end, either way I'm f*cked. Nice....wait, so you can't afford health care at all? No problem, the government will provide it! I'm almost afraid to ask what quality should those on government assistance expect...and pray, tell me how will the government, being what? trillions in defecit, provide health care for it's people? Oh, that's right...there was another tax increase. Which means I get to pay for you to have health care. Fabulous. Because I wasn't paying enough in taxes before. And did the government ASK me first before it took my money and expended it out to everyone else? Newp...not even kinda.
And then there's the how: How exactly are you, Mr. Big Man, going to find out who does and does not have insurance? By expending more money we don't have, creating audits and agencies who review the numbers and names of the millions of American citizens that are now required to have insurance. I see this going from bad to worse, although this may potentially create jobs, I don't see this being a well-oiled machine for years to come, if ever. And I see our deficit getting even bigger in the enactment of this "reform".
Finally, why CAN'T some of these people afford healthcare? BECAUSE IT'S TOO GODDAMN EXPENSIVE TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!!!!! Don't even get me started on the people who won't work and pay for healthcare on their own...Maybe, MAYBE our beloved leader should have reworked the health care *system* instead of doling out health care and calling it reform. Reform, by definition means to re-shape, re-distribute or re-structure. Not "compound an already existing problem and make the repair even more insurmountable." Fix the infrastructure and then it can truly be called reform.
The *only* good thing to this bill would be that health care providers are no longer allowed to deny a person coverage because of existing medical conditions. However! At what expense to the client?
Right intention, wrong way to go about it. I'm actually going to be voting Republican from now on. I don't necessarily agree with all of their standings, but neither do I *really* want to renounce my citizenship and move to Canada.
First off...making health reform mandatory takes away every individual's right to choose for themselves whether they want to provide health care, for themselves. I'm all about live and let live; I'm a libertarian at heart....but when the leader of our country forces us to do something that we either would not have chosen for ourselves or provides it at the expense of tax payers, and then imposes a consequence if this action does not happen, then I have a problem with it. And normally I don't give two shits about politics. Live your life, don't let your decisions impede my happiness or well-being and we're square.
Next we have the issue of whether or not we (as citizens) can afford healthcare. You can? Perfect, here's a plan with a $500 deuctable and a $500 premium...it's only $270 a month. That's half of my rent expense per month. More than half, actually. No thanks. You can't afford that? How about a plan for less than $100 a month? Perfect, your new deductable is $1500 and your new premium is $1000....so either you f*ck me up front or you f*ck me in the end, either way I'm f*cked. Nice....wait, so you can't afford health care at all? No problem, the government will provide it! I'm almost afraid to ask what quality should those on government assistance expect...and pray, tell me how will the government, being what? trillions in defecit, provide health care for it's people? Oh, that's right...there was another tax increase. Which means I get to pay for you to have health care. Fabulous. Because I wasn't paying enough in taxes before. And did the government ASK me first before it took my money and expended it out to everyone else? Newp...not even kinda.
And then there's the how: How exactly are you, Mr. Big Man, going to find out who does and does not have insurance? By expending more money we don't have, creating audits and agencies who review the numbers and names of the millions of American citizens that are now required to have insurance. I see this going from bad to worse, although this may potentially create jobs, I don't see this being a well-oiled machine for years to come, if ever. And I see our deficit getting even bigger in the enactment of this "reform".
Finally, why CAN'T some of these people afford healthcare? BECAUSE IT'S TOO GODDAMN EXPENSIVE TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!!!!! Don't even get me started on the people who won't work and pay for healthcare on their own...Maybe, MAYBE our beloved leader should have reworked the health care *system* instead of doling out health care and calling it reform. Reform, by definition means to re-shape, re-distribute or re-structure. Not "compound an already existing problem and make the repair even more insurmountable." Fix the infrastructure and then it can truly be called reform.
The *only* good thing to this bill would be that health care providers are no longer allowed to deny a person coverage because of existing medical conditions. However! At what expense to the client?
Right intention, wrong way to go about it. I'm actually going to be voting Republican from now on. I don't necessarily agree with all of their standings, but neither do I *really* want to renounce my citizenship and move to Canada.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Life Lesson
People are always telling me that one's 20's are the time when you most change, when you learn a lot about yourself. I know that life itself is one long lesson and you're to learn as much as possible while you can but no one ever really tells you how pertinent these lessons truly are...
I've learned to trust my instint. Not just to trust it, but to actually follow what my intuition tells me to do. Even when my heart doesn't agree. Actively ignoring what I know *should* be done usually ends up poorly.
I've learned that if you don't make yourself a priority in your own life, no else will make you a priority in theirs. You choose how important you are to people. If they make you less of a priority than you deserve, then you have the choice of bowing out of that relationship.
People can agree to disagree and still get along. Usually this works when both people understand this concept. Understanding and accepting that not every opinion will be akin to yours promotes a greater tolerance...even if all you can do is accept that there are things you'll never be able to cahnge.
Live and let live....even when you want to be the change you'd like to see in the world. As long as your actions do not impede the basic human rights of those around you, as long as the decisions you make do not negatively impact those with whome you come into contact, what you do is no one's business. And they have no right to comment or opine on what you do.
I've become comfortable in my own head, even if being comfortable in my own skin is still a work in progress. Listening to the silence opens one's mind. Being alone isn't always a negative thing, either. One must be able to accept their own company if they expect others to do the same.
Sometimes, friendships and families are one and the same. And sometimes you *do* get to pick your family...even if it wasn't the one you were born into.
Friendships are a "for better or worse" relationship...the ones that truly matter, anyway. There is no such thing as a buffet when talking about friends. One cannot simply pick and choose what parts of their friends they accept. It's all or nothing. If the friend is a good fit, the pros will vastly outweigh the cons. If the opposite is true, then one might need to rethink that relationship.
I've learned to pick my battles and that being right all the time isn't going to change just because you're the only one who knows it. There are some arguments that are *just* not worth having. Apologizing and moving on is a better option than losing a friend.
I've been taught that there is indeed a difference between listening and hearing. The conscious acceptance and the indelible memory that will remain from hearing a conversation is often far more difficult than listening, thus not many ppl try to hear others...
There are a great deal more lessons that I have learned, but these are the ones that tend to stay with me, because of how they were taught. It's normal to have a few regrets in life and anyone who tells you they regret nothing is lying...no one gets it right all the time. There are a select few situations in which we get a second chance and maybe the opportunity was afforded to us because Fate didn't like the outcome. If that's true, then I take these lessons with me from this day and live my life as a happy individual, expecting a few regrets, but thankful all the same for the experience.
I've learned to trust my instint. Not just to trust it, but to actually follow what my intuition tells me to do. Even when my heart doesn't agree. Actively ignoring what I know *should* be done usually ends up poorly.
I've learned that if you don't make yourself a priority in your own life, no else will make you a priority in theirs. You choose how important you are to people. If they make you less of a priority than you deserve, then you have the choice of bowing out of that relationship.
People can agree to disagree and still get along. Usually this works when both people understand this concept. Understanding and accepting that not every opinion will be akin to yours promotes a greater tolerance...even if all you can do is accept that there are things you'll never be able to cahnge.
Live and let live....even when you want to be the change you'd like to see in the world. As long as your actions do not impede the basic human rights of those around you, as long as the decisions you make do not negatively impact those with whome you come into contact, what you do is no one's business. And they have no right to comment or opine on what you do.
I've become comfortable in my own head, even if being comfortable in my own skin is still a work in progress. Listening to the silence opens one's mind. Being alone isn't always a negative thing, either. One must be able to accept their own company if they expect others to do the same.
Sometimes, friendships and families are one and the same. And sometimes you *do* get to pick your family...even if it wasn't the one you were born into.
Friendships are a "for better or worse" relationship...the ones that truly matter, anyway. There is no such thing as a buffet when talking about friends. One cannot simply pick and choose what parts of their friends they accept. It's all or nothing. If the friend is a good fit, the pros will vastly outweigh the cons. If the opposite is true, then one might need to rethink that relationship.
I've learned to pick my battles and that being right all the time isn't going to change just because you're the only one who knows it. There are some arguments that are *just* not worth having. Apologizing and moving on is a better option than losing a friend.
I've been taught that there is indeed a difference between listening and hearing. The conscious acceptance and the indelible memory that will remain from hearing a conversation is often far more difficult than listening, thus not many ppl try to hear others...
There are a great deal more lessons that I have learned, but these are the ones that tend to stay with me, because of how they were taught. It's normal to have a few regrets in life and anyone who tells you they regret nothing is lying...no one gets it right all the time. There are a select few situations in which we get a second chance and maybe the opportunity was afforded to us because Fate didn't like the outcome. If that's true, then I take these lessons with me from this day and live my life as a happy individual, expecting a few regrets, but thankful all the same for the experience.
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