Learning to Cry

Admitting that I want to cry is difficult. Even more difficult is the acceptance of the fact that I will likely do so, no matter how much I try to avoid it.

This is the point in life where I feel alone. Not for lack of friends willing to listen, but for my own personal hang up in not wanting to burden those around me. As adults, we all have legitimate problems. No one needs the added trouble of hearing my bullshit.

The other side of this coin is that I'm tired of being sad. I'm fed up with the stress, the regret, the wish that things could be different and the knowledge that they won't be. Because no matter what has happened in my life, I *know*, with a ringing clarity, that I wouldn't have done 90% of things differently. See, this is part of that list of things I learned in my 20's, right....that when someone tells you they have no regrets in life, they're lying. We all have some regrets, be they big or small.

Digression aside, I would have done one thing differently. One thing. Aside from that, I am willing to live with the consequences of my actions, despite those involved making a bad situation exponentially worse. It's even harder to endure when it feels like there is no one in my corner.

This whole situation has motivated me to 1) move sooner than I would otherwise be doing 2) choose whom I confide in FAR more carefully and 3) reconsider myself and how I deal with people.

I'm rambling, by the way, sorry to have put you through this, but there are things on my chest that need writing and by doing so I'm hoping to expell the feeling of hopelessness and loss. No such luck...